To tell the truth, my Mondays aren’t very manic at all.
These days I wake up around 5:30 and head to the Zen center for a couple hours of meditation, chanting and bowing, and cleaning. Often I bike to the grocery store at some point during the day, and in the evenings it’s three hours of rehearsing with the Austin Civic Chorus.
The manic part comes in during the long gaps between these events. Like right now, when I’m staring at a computer screen and wondering both what I’m doing and what I should be doing. Today, I think I should work on organizing my blog entries and drafts, creating a spreadsheet to keep them all straight and get some sense of what topics get the most views (as well as a Word doc of published posts for backup and easier searching).
But is that really the best use of my time? I need to look over my music for tonight’s rehearsal, but again, how much time can I afford to spend on that? Shouldn’t I rather be focusing the bulk of all my waking, working hours on CASE, converting my dreams into reality and generating a steady income?
It would certainly seem smarter to embody my blog’s essence—creating a sustainable life pursuing my passions—than to simply add more verbiage to it. Yet inertia plus distractions is proving a rather formidable combination these days.
Why inertia, though? Isn’t Sudbury schooling the passion of my professional life? Well, yes; it is. At the same time, CASE marks a new, potentially unorthodox effort within this unorthodox movement. I say “potentially” because while some may disagree, I believe an ongoing, consistent focus on collaboration is as natural and logical for us as it is necessary. Yet I also suspect that concerns expressed over the years—concerns that more organized collaboration could have unintended, negative consequences; concerns that have slowed CASE’s progress—still linger in some quarters.
Also contributing to CASE’s inertia is the fact that I do not possess the ease of the “average” Sudbury alum at carving out a new niche. Whether by temperament or conditioning, facing a proverbial blank canvas is still fairly daunting for me. Not that I’m afraid to leap (my recent scrambling of life circumstances should easily counter that theory): rather, too often I find myself hesitant or confused instead of plunging boldly into action in areas where I’m inexperienced, where I’m blazing a trail, building something out of nothing.
Glancing over my posts from the past couple Mondays, this also appears to be a day for checking in publicly on the status of my quest. I’m glad that, like CASE, this blogging tactic (and the blog itself) has emerged spontaneously out of my experience, as I continue learning to trust myself in confronting the new and the unknown. I hope that you find reading my words worth your time, and that before long Write Learning’s audience will grow into a widespread, tangible source of support.
For now, I think I’d better get back to work.